Final Installation

...of toilet tissue on the roll in my bathroom from the giant bag I bought last August. it's all gone after this roll....and so am I.

38 days till I hit US soil
18 more days in Korea
10 more days with my elementary students
7 more days with my kindergarteners
2 more trips to Seoul
2 more weekends in Korea
1 detour into a foreign country
1 going away party to attend
1 last visit for hot saki
NO more soju for me...
ZERO regrets

After Twelve months in Stranded on a Peninsula

It's July.

It's hot. sticky. I work up last night at 3am--haven't quite gotten used to the sweating in my sleep thing just yet. so I woke up, turned on the AirCon, and watched "What a Girl Wants" on Tv until I felt sleepy again.

It's my third-to-last weekend before I leave Korea--possibly for good--and I'm sitting here in my apartment sweating and writing on this Blog. i want to hop on train to Seoul; sell all my books and buy a Thai Lonely Planet guide. I feel an amazing pressure to spend time with all these lovely people I've cultivated into my daily life whilst I've been here, but also I am just so tired and stressed about life that I feel like I want to be alone. But in two weeks when I leave this island of a peninsula, and I am traveling through Thailand all on my own, where every conversation I have with some companion will be a base, first time skimming the top of what both of us really wants to talk about kind of conversation, Will I be dieing for this time and these people and regretting that I spent this time alone, alienating myself from them in spite of myself? I don't know. I just don't know. my desire to see as much of Korea before I leave has seemed to partner with my penchant for procrastination and melded into a sort of apathy for movement. I want to go to DMZ, but will that happen? I missed my rip to Pusan because I just didn't fell like a 5-hour train trip. Mostly I want to go to Seoul. I want to spend time with the 2 girls I've spent most my time with--I don't really want to drink alcohol; I'd prefer a tasty cold milkshake--s we have ended up pending a lot of time sitting in the heat behind the local coffee bean goofing off and reading books and generally doing nothing but relaxing. And maybe that's all and exactly what I've needed to be doing? hmm.


My suitcase is packed with the things I've planned to take wit me on my trip to Thailand; I am trying to figure our exactly what things I should ship home (and where is home to ship, exactly?). I have a suitcase filled with some wonderful winter clothes I've collected, a guitar, and my gifts for friends and family. they're waiting for an address.

and so am I, really. i am waiting to hear from a 6-month university job i have applied for in Japan. hopefully I'll find out within this week, and then I can make some decisions.

I don't think I'm exactly ready to come home home just yet. I miss my friends, my family, my goose, and the familiarity of being near houses, lawns, garbage cans, and English. I'm so fed up with Koreans--esp men; who burp in your face and have no concept of ladies' first. But I ave a job here that keeps me comfortable. I don't have to struggle to make rent or hate my job, I love teaching and being a bit anonymous--aside from the blatant stares and random "hellos" & "I love yous."


They dress like they are at the height of fashion--in the 80s; they hold hands intimately as they are walking down the street. They protest the sale of American beef; throw themselves in front of buses, light themselves on fire; weep inconsolably because they believe that Koreans have a gene in their body that makes them More susceptible to Mad Cow disease over other people. ah, the chosen people syndrome--do you not think that if I ate an infected cow that I would not die just as fast as a Korean soul who ate the same cow? come on!
Just last night; at a restaurant, i watched a mother at she took the diaper off her son, and stuck his penis IN A BOTTLE. At the dining table! the boy just stood up, right over everyones food and everything, and peed into an old bottle. then his mom screwed on the lid, set it aside, and pulled the boy's shorts up. and then everyone--the four parents; three kids, continued with their meal! What is it? What is it, really?
And I'm the oddity because of my speckled skin and red hair!

and I think about these things as I am a part in parcel of helping to raise the next generation of their country.





I look at these sweet faces and I think, "Who will you become?"



How could I leave all that?




I have really enjoyed teaching and i hope to do it again for another year, I think.

I enjoy that traveling has opened me up to experiences culture and a way of living that is allowing me to discover myself in a way I've wanted to my whole life. there's so much of this world I'm meant to see. so much in this world I'm meant to be. Where's this all going? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.