27 Years

I am 27 years old. Twenty-Seven. Hm, it doesn't feel much different from 23, but at the same time, I feel different. Does that even make sense? I like me at 27. I like the person I've taught myself to be, and the people who've come and gone and/or stuck around in my life. I like the lessons I've learned, although maybe not always the means of getting there, but I feel I understand them as an essential component of who I have become.

I have an awesome sister who is so different from me in lieks and dislikes, and personality in some ways, but who I am so lucky to have in my life. It's been 27 years of us trying to figure out how to communicate & get along. There have been hits and imisses. but because of those, we've managed to listen and understand each other. Moreover, we've formed a friendshp I treasure more than anything or anyone.

I have managed to meet and keep an amazing circle of lovely friends, who I cherish for their honest personalities and high personal character. Their smiles and hugs and all around genuine interest in life always inspires me to want to be a better person, to look outward at the world in wonder and appreciation.

I have learned that I am good at a lot of things. and that I'm not too old to start trying new things. For instance, if I want to do something better, I just haveto learn how to do it, be patient, and keep at it. Whether it's language, art, travel, or people. Anything worth having takes hard work and a lot of patience.

I've learned that forgiveness is something that I have to do for myself, and not for another person. I have learned that distance, be it 1.5 hours in a car or an entire Pacific ocean away, is relative to the mind. Because the only motion it takes is a phone call or to stand up and go, and as Einstein said, "Time only exists to keep everything from happening all at once." So 1.5 hours, or 10.5...what's the big deal? Either you're going to let that get in the way, or you're not. and that's how I feel about that. I've learned to be confident in myself and my presence in a group or on my own. I live going to movies and/or out to dinner with myself. You can not learn to be with other people unless you can really know how to be alone with yourself. I've learned that if I hide my real self, then I don't get the kinds of things I need or deserve,

and on that note, to be direct about my needs and desires, and about my hangups--because if you don't ask for it, how is anyone going to know you want it. I've learned to speak slowly and choose my words carefully.

In 7th grade, Shannon Mihelich put it on a post-it, "Slow to speak, and quick to listen." I stuck it in my Bible and carried it with me all thru High School. And when my bible fell apart, I was betrayed by my bible study circle, and I stopped going to church, I lost the post-it, but I think I never lost that quote. It's been my focal point of new realtionships, and starts in my life. Be slow to speak, be quick to listen, and if you listen, then when you speak, your words will be fewer yet well-chosen. they will have more value, a greater impact when they finally leave your mouth.

Coming to Korea and teaching my native tongue as a foreign language has been a huge eye-opener on this front. I speak so slow, and my words are verry simple. I had to cut out the "likes," "ums," and the "yknows," because they just confuse Koreans. and I forget words sometimes. Which is why I write.

I learned that learning another language as an adult is hard-but it's possible. I learned that koreans laugh when I fluke up their language, like it's "so cute!" and talk too fast in Hangul to me, but when I do the same in English to them, they get frustrated---really I've learned you have to economize your constructive criticism, it all comes back to the age-old CHOOSE YOU BATTLES, and learn from your experiences. Every Korean lesson I find myself in, I try to think about what's working for ME, and what is SOOO NOT working. then I alter my teaching style to this account.

I've learned that I want to believe the best out of everyone, and I believe there's that potential in all of us, but for some reason, there are selfish people in this world for whom, I just can't give that benefit of the doubt. and frankly, it BAFFLES me still. honesty is easy, and love is like headlice: the closer you get the faster it spreads in your community, and before you know it, everyone is affected by it. Why oh why do people think they have to take what they can get and hide it away?

I have learned that I am beautiful, and for some reason in the past of this lifetime, I never allowed myself to believe that of myself. I still have troubles sometimes believing I deserve happiness and all those "normal" things I want for myself. It's hard to see how they're going to happen for me, I've never seen myself as normal, and well, I think that is something I've come to accept--nay, EMBRACE--about my personality. I see the world from an artist's eye, and I have quirks that make me a little "babo." but honest to goodness, I know that I will fight to get myeslf the world I want, I will only surround myself with honest people, of good character, who want to give out their best into the world, rather than subtract from it. I will remind myself of what I want and deserve, and go about getting it in my own way.

I've learned also that no matter how much we may want something to be one way, as circumstances have it, sometimes it's just not possible. sometimes you have to let go of the SHOULDS. Sometimes you have to work with what you're given and make it into what works for you, and come up with how you're willing to live with it. We all deserve the same things in life. We all deserve the good. Sometimes we get it, and sometimes we don't, but I truly believe that it's how we choose respond to the highs and lows that show a person's true colors.

I've learned I have to work for the body I want, and that I'm capable of getting it; that healthy food makes my body happy, and that sweating is a good thing, no matter
I've learned it's not pretentiousness if it's just how you are; if you like wine, drink it, talke about it! If you like art, go to shows, then go to a backyard BBQ afterwards. If Cars are your thing, go do that. It's only pretentiousness when you take what you thinkg you have, layer it on top of how you think "those kinds of people" should act, and then parade yourself around in front of other people. it's fake, it's stupid, and theres no use in pretending--Everyone can see it doesn't fit. It's like being a size 10 and trying to squeeze into a size 8 pair of jeans. Even if you CAN manage to snuff your body into the casing, then sinch it toghether enough to pull up the zipper, you look like a joke--and wouldn't you look much nicer and less like an overstuffed sausage in a pair that hung nicely on your personal figure. I've learned that I'm more comfortable when I'm being myself and I people seem to respond well to it. I attract the kind of people I am, because I am who I am all the time; no pretending.